There are many types of fear. And fear has to do with danger and with things that may happen in the future. It’s meant to keep us alive.
Yet, some fears can do us more harm than good. One of these fears is the fear of being rejected.
Fear of being rejected is a kind of fear that can stop you from living your life comfortably. If you think that some people won’t like what you do and/or how you think, then you’ll be giving those people a considerable power over your life. They will be in charge of you and your actions instead of yourself.
One way this fear of rejection can be dealt with is to Face it. Easier said than done.
Put yourself in a situation where you could be rejected, so you can check it out. See if it is going to happen. Is like fighting Fire with Fire.
It is not always easy, and it requires a fair amount of strength. Yet, you do not know if you have that strength if you do not try.
You do not need to do it alone, either. You can always ask for help.
You can ask a good friend that you can open up to, to be with you while you face something or someone that can reject you. That person needs to be an excellent emotional support, someone you can entirely rely on. Someone emotionally mature enough so he or she can hold space for you no matter what.
If you do not have a close person you can trust with this kind of task, it is probably best to find someone trained like a therapist, a psychoanalyst or a coach. When you choose between these ones, be aware of the difference between therapy and coaching. You can read about it here.
Someone you know that they will be able to deal with their feelings and fears in that particular situation and support your feelings and reactions in the same time.
Most times, people find out in time that this rejection does not come from others but from themselves. As human beings, we are quite good at stumbling in our fears, and we reject ourselves in various situations. And we do that when being rejected serves us a purpose. To be rejected is useful for us in one way or another. It keeps us in the comfort/safety zone, keeps us comfortable.
Now, if it would be for you to think about your fear of rejection, what is that doing for you? In what way it serve you if you still keep it around? Can you think about ten or twenty reasons?
In case this article has awakened thoughts that may need to be sorted out, please leave a comment, or let me know in confidence, and feel free to register for a free session here. A lot can be sorted out in ONE good conversation. And especially if you are an immigrant/expat. Moving to a new country and adjusting to a new culture can leave people feeling rejected many times. And the reasons are many: language, accent, different ways of doing things, different skin color, different hair style, you name it.
I wish you build resilience!
Wishing you The Best
Gabriela Sirbu
